So many people put ourselves beneath strain to attempt to be mates with an ex. And, sure, typically we strain our ex into making an attempt to be mates with us. On this week’s episode of The Baggage Reclaim Classes, I clarify why forcing ourselves or others to be mates after a breakup is disingenuous, dangerous to our well-being, and might even affect our availability for subsequent relationships.
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5 key matters on this episode
- Being mates with an ex as a result of it’s a real friendship is nice. Being mates with an ex as a result of now we have a hidden agenda of secretly auditioning for our outdated function within the hope they’ll see how fabulous we’re and remorse being damaged up, not so nice.
- Once we say sure to being mates with our ex as a result of we’re afraid of what is going to occur if and after we say no, we’re signing up for ache. We concern incurring their wrath, judgement, and even being judged by others. An inauthentic sure results in way more issues than if we’d mentioned no within the first place.
- Friendship is a relationship between mates. Buddies don’t attempt to screw you, screw along with your head, or screw you over. And when you cross the friendship threshold into romance, it takes distance and wholesome boundaries earlier than a friendship might be restored, if in any respect.
- We don’t have to show each romantic relationship right into a friendship to justify having invested ourselves. It’s a sunk value. Relationship or being in a relationship was what it took to be concerned. The ship has sailed. We have to cease making an attempt to get a “return on funding.”
- Had been you mates earlier than you turned romantically concerned? Even should you have been mates, did you (or they) have romantic emotions? When you weren’t mates earlier than being romantically concerned, have been you real mates in addition to lovers? Be trustworthy about whether or not you might be or have been really mates.
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